Butt Sniffer Manhunt

Here's another true story that can't be ignored.



I saw the security camera footage of this incident and it's very strange. The guy spent about ten minutes trying to get a good whiff, pretending to reach for products on the lower shelves nearby, and not even being discreet about it. Very bizarre. But I did wonder what law they were going to use once they caught the guy. That convenient catch-all "disorderly conduct"? Do they have that in England?

The Christmas Sweater

In the interest of full disclosure, I haven't read Glen Beck's maudlin autobiographical novel. And like virtually every other person on Earth, I didn't attend his live-beamed-to-movie-theaters dramatization of it. I gleaned all I needed from an online transcript of an interview he gave Don Imus.



The thing that really pissed me off about The Christmas Sweater is how he tried to turn it into a live-beamed-to-theaters event. I think the live-beamed-to-theaters medium offers a lot of potential, but using it for something as lame as TCS can't be good for future productions. It's like if the first rock band ever recorded was Boston, would the Beatles ever get a recording contract?

In closing, Glen Beck is an evil, disingenuous ass-clown pandering to a weak-minded, easily-manipulated, xenophobic audience.

Tiger's Transgressions

I had hoped to get around to doing a few episodes over the weekend, but I got laid low by a wicked toothache. Nothing seems funny when all you can think about is using a rock and the blade of an ice skate to knock that throbbing demon out of your mouth. (I totally get that scene in Castaway now.) Anyway, I'm still in a little pain, so I have no idea if this is funny or not. I just want to know when I'll be able to chew again.



Too bad for Lily, the going price on a mistress' story takes a steep drop once the number of mistresses gets into double figures.

Lucid Dreaming IV

The Lucid Dreaming series of last year was popular, so here's another installment. If you'd like to check out the others in this series, go to Lucid Dreaming, Lucid Dreaming II and Lucid Dreaming III. Enjoy.



And just for easy reference, here are some pictures of Rihanna. She looks nice.

Half a Man

I have a good feeling about this one. It's one of those that seemed to write itself and I just sat back laughing at what I was typing. Maybe I'm just tired and giddy.



Did you like it?

Esquire Technology

I still have a subscription to Esquire Magazine, solely for the "A Funny Joke Told by a Beautiful Woman" page. Though, to be honest, without Esquire, how would I know how to roll up my sleeves?



Seriously, do they focus group these ideas? Did anyone actually say to them, "You know what's missing in your magazine? The ability to wave it in front of a computer to launch web pages. That would be awesome." Is it just me, or do you get a hint of desperation in the face of the death of print media? I guess if I worked at a magazine, I'd be freaking out too.

Beefeaters

Actually, the formal name of this group is the Yeomen Warders of Her Majesty's Royal Palace and Fortress the Tower of London, not to be confused with the Yeomen of the Guard, a completely separate organization. Confusing those two will mark you as a complete moron. I learned that from Wikipedia. Speaking of which, feel free to turn "What am I, Wikipedia?" into the hot new catch-phrase. Saying that will mark you as a hip, cool follower of Deadpan Inc. to those in the know.



Here's a photo of Moira Cameron, the first female Yeoman of the Guard in their 1,000-year history. Seriously, dudes, couldn't you wait for the second female Beefeater before starting with the dirty talk? Way to sully history, Beefeaters.