Touchless Soap Dispenser

This seems to be a totally different subject, but it could be considered a sequel to last week's health care reform episode, which for some reason is getting 10x the normal number of YouTube views.



Don't get me wrong. I'm not a socialist, at least not all the time. Free-market capitalism is great for some things. If it weren't for free-market capitalism, we'd all still be toting around Commodore SX64s. Here's what that looks like:

I used to use a box like that to program multimedia shows. (I'm really old.) That open bay is for a second $400 170 KB floppy drive, which was handy for making back-up floppies. But I digress.

I'm glad capitalism drives so much innovation and creativity, most of the time. But when it comes to my health insurance, I'm not sure a corporate entity whose primary objective is maximizing ROI for the investment community has my best interests at heart. There it seems all the innovation and creativity goes into finding new ways to screw us.

Here's one of those nifty soap dispensers. Only thirty bucks (batteries not included). Note the handy built-in tray for catching the inevitable dribbles due to lack of hand/motion-sensor coordination.

Lap Dances for Haiti

I actually respect these people for trying to help out.



All kinds of corporations (oil companies, tobacco companies, etc.) try to burnish their images by giving to charity. Why shouldn't a strip club? I guess they have been trying to do something like this for years, but no charity wanted to be associated with them. But in this case, the International Services for Hope charity welcomed their money.

This gives me a good chance to mention that even though it's not it the news that much anymore, they still need our help in Haiti. I'm pretty sure you can still text HAITI to 90999 to contribute $10 to the Red Cross. It's cheaper, and actually makes you feel better, than a lap dance.

I love how the YouTube thumbnail caught Brad in the act of making air quotes.

Tiger's Transgressions

I had hoped to get around to doing a few episodes over the weekend, but I got laid low by a wicked toothache. Nothing seems funny when all you can think about is using a rock and the blade of an ice skate to knock that throbbing demon out of your mouth. (I totally get that scene in Castaway now.) Anyway, I'm still in a little pain, so I have no idea if this is funny or not. I just want to know when I'll be able to chew again.



Too bad for Lily, the going price on a mistress' story takes a steep drop once the number of mistresses gets into double figures.

Half a Man

I have a good feeling about this one. It's one of those that seemed to write itself and I just sat back laughing at what I was typing. Maybe I'm just tired and giddy.



Did you like it?

Esquire Technology

I still have a subscription to Esquire Magazine, solely for the "A Funny Joke Told by a Beautiful Woman" page. Though, to be honest, without Esquire, how would I know how to roll up my sleeves?



Seriously, do they focus group these ideas? Did anyone actually say to them, "You know what's missing in your magazine? The ability to wave it in front of a computer to launch web pages. That would be awesome." Is it just me, or do you get a hint of desperation in the face of the death of print media? I guess if I worked at a magazine, I'd be freaking out too.

Homeless American Girl Doll

Shortest episode ever. Don't blink, or you'll miss it.



Is it tasteless to make fun of a product sold to benefit charities for the homeless? Yes, it would be -- but this isn't a fundraiser. It's just another product. How stupid is it of Mattel, the parent company, to come out with a homeless doll and not set aside at least part of the profits for homeless charities? Wow.

I'll give them props for trying to raise awareness of homelessness, but I think all the tent cities that are starting to pop up around the country will take care of that just fine.

A Cheater's Punishment

Another true news item that could inspire a country song -- this time, surprisingly, not from Florida.



At first she wanted him to stay out there for a week, but she let him stop after just a few hours. Perhaps she too became aware of potential unintended consequences.

Rose Garden Beer Bash

Yeah, I know, every comedian in the country is doing something with this story, but I couldn't resist.



Speaking of Schlitz Malt Liquor, check out this cool commercial I found. (And by "cool" I mean hilariously/disturbingly inappropriate.)

Vibram FiveFingers

Usually I put any supporting image after the clip, but today I think you have to see these shoes before watching the video.





My first thought was to have Lily make fun of Brad's new shoes, but it occurred to me that making fun of a product does nothing to help me monetize this site. What company would want to sponsor me if I'm just going to make fun of them? So if you would like to know where to buy these incredible new shoes, visit VibramFiveFingers.com. And if you work for Vibram and would like to talk to me about cross-promotional opportunities, email me at strattonbiz at sbcglobal dot net.

Zicam Recall

Welcome back to the work week. Hope you had a nice weekend.



If you're not familiar with the Garfunkel and Oates mentioned in the clip, you should be. Their names, respectively, are Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci, and they're great. Riki is tall and Kate is from the future. They are kind of like Flight of the Conchords if Brett and Jermaine were adorable American women. They just got a little bit of fame for their pro-gay-marriage-rights song Sex with Ducks. Here's a bit of their earlier work that's a lot of fun. Enjoy.



Hey, it's Daughter Stratton's birthday today! Wish her a Happy Birthday! She's a good kid.

King of Beers

This episode was inspired by the Budweiser radio commercials current running on my favorite station. Are they telling the truth? It's a little hard for me to believe.



By the way, as I've mentioned here before, if any corporation wants to sponsor this humble blog, I will happily change my opinion of their product. It's important to remain flexible during a recession. Bend but don't break.