Lap Dances for Haiti

I actually respect these people for trying to help out.



All kinds of corporations (oil companies, tobacco companies, etc.) try to burnish their images by giving to charity. Why shouldn't a strip club? I guess they have been trying to do something like this for years, but no charity wanted to be associated with them. But in this case, the International Services for Hope charity welcomed their money.

This gives me a good chance to mention that even though it's not it the news that much anymore, they still need our help in Haiti. I'm pretty sure you can still text HAITI to 90999 to contribute $10 to the Red Cross. It's cheaper, and actually makes you feel better, than a lap dance.

I love how the YouTube thumbnail caught Brad in the act of making air quotes.

Lotion Bandit

This episode practically wrote itself. It's one of those cases where the true story is funny enough that you don't have to do much more than just tell it. Enjoy.



I do really wonder what this guy was thinking. Was he planning on renting one of those kiosks and setting up his own business there at the mall, where he could just wander over to Bath & Body Works whenever he needed to replenish his stock? If so, you have to admire the creative entrepreneurial thinking of the guy.

The "My Way" Murders

Hard-core karaoke in the Philippines.



From what I can gather from my research (the New York Times article I read) here are the factors that contributed to this social phenomenon:

1. There are about a million illegal guns in the Philippines.
2. For economic reasons, many Filipino wives have to work out of the country as maids in wealthier countries, leaving a lot of lonely guys at home with nothing to do but go out to the karaoke bars.
3. The country is crazy for karaoke--you can't go to a public gathering without someone breaking out the karaoke machine.
4. There are strict rules for karaoke there (you must not laugh while someone is singing, you must not sing a song already sung by someone else), and breaking the rules can start a fight.
5. Singing "My Way" makes you look like an arrogant ass.

So there, you learned something today. You're welcome.

As a special treat, here's a great version of "My Way" by the original artist.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, da Vinci

Leanardo da Vinci invented some kick-ass military weapons. He also might have been gay.



Here's that painting they found that could be the R-rated version of the Mona Lisa. Should I have marked this post NSFW? Oh well, deal with it.


I'll bet that if da Vinci did paint his face on a woman's body, his contemporaries would have thought it was just a goof, like when Milton Berle wore a dress on TV in the fifties. They would crack up if they saw it being treated as serious art.

Banned Dictionaries

I must thank Facebook fan Leigh Erskine (if that is his real name) for suggesting the topic of this episode. Leigh, feel free to reward yourself with a snazzy (and quite reasonably priced) Deadpan Inc. hoodie in the swag store. You deserve it!



I think the funniest part of this story is the "sexually graphic" entry that bothered these school officials was "oral stimulation of the genitals." Not nearly as descriptive as it could be, and not really all that helpful. I would think that if kids need to look up "oral sex," it's the "oral" part of the phrase that's tripping them up. They probably already know "sex" has something to do with the naughty bits.

Sure, I guess the kids could stumble on the definition while looking up "oracle" or "orange." With that in mind, teachers should probably avoid using "cunning" as a vocabulary word.

The All-American Basketball Alliance

An all-white basketball league. Seriously?



The guy who wants to start this league, Don "Moose" Lewis, uses the example Gilbert Arenas' suspension for pulling a gun in the locker room as an example of the problem with "street basketball." I'm going to go out on a limb and assume Moose is a staunch supporter of stricter gun control legislation.

Got to give props to Lily for her basketball knowledge. Here's a picture of Luc Longley, a member of the first legendary Bulls "three-peat" championship team, sitting next to an unidentified player. These are the kind of guys Moose doesn't want to see on the court. Good luck with that, Moose.

Full Body Scans

I'm with Brad on this one. I'm much more concerned about the government tapping my phone and tracking my web surfing than I am about some bored TSA employee taking a peek inside my Haynes boxer-briefs. (To my lady-friends, regarding that mental image...you're welcome.)



This script could have gone on for several more minutes. I'll post the additional script at the fanpage on Facebook. There's a link to the right, if you'd like to go there. But if you do go there, you have to click "Become a Fan." It's the only way to protect your identity from the Nigerian scammers who administer my page. See you there.

Oh, and here's a picture of Kelly Ripa for those who don't know who Brad is talking about. She looks nice. (She's the one on the right.) Don't make eye contact with the cat--it'll steal your soul.



Wow, I never noticed those guns before. Do they test for 'roids at ABC? I'm not really a big fan--though she is a cutey--I just thought she'd be a quirky choice for Brad.