Easy Resolutions

New Years resolutions are a danger to your self esteem and should be used with extreme caution. If you make a resolution that you fail to keep, you'll just end up feeling bad about yourself, and you would have been better off not even making one. The trick is to keep your expectations low and your resolutions easy. That way you have a better chance of experiencing a sense of accomplishment rather than failure.



For example, say you resolve to lose twenty pounds. A fine goal for many of us. But then you fail to go to the gym the way you meant to, so no weight comes off. Feeling like a failure, you turn to comfort foods and gain fifteen pounds. You see, you're much better off just resolving to start wearing sweatpants everywhere.

I'm sure you can think of even easier (and funnier) resolutions than were in the clip. Let's hear them. The funniest "easy resolutions" posted to the comments section will appear in the comments section below.

Memory Trick

The "space-out" event she describes is something I've actually done -- not because I'm spacey, but because I have a lot of weighty subjects on my mind. Being disorganized and forgetful is just the price you pay for being a person of substance in possession of a superior intellect. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.



Hey, if you're on Facebook, you'll want to stop by the fan page where another exclusive clip was posted over the weekend. There's a handy link over to the right.

Plane Crash Tweet

Here's a news item about someone who might be a little too into Twitter. But who am I to judge?



I'm willing to bet that a lot of Deadpan fans can come up with equally unlikely tweets -- if so, I'd like to see them. As I see it, they could fall into either of two categories: the generic absurd tweet that could be sent by you or anyone (My shirt just caught fire) or a crazy tweet that is specific to a certain person or character (Thelma and I just drove off a cliff).

Is there a prize for the best reader submitted tweet? Sorry, no. But aren't we all winners just by participating?

Kwanzaa Faux Pas

To my friends of African heritage, I wish you a hearty Joyous Kwanzaa. Please enjoy this very special episode.



Whenever I joke about something like this I worry that it might be taken the wrong way, even though I'm just making fun of an imaginary insensitive boob, not the holiday itself. Feel free to weigh in below.

BTW -- if you're not familiar with this holiday, you can learn about it here. If I had a chance to add another holiday to my calendar, and I'd take it. We could all do with more reasons to celebrate our lives, doncha think?

Merry Christmas

The Deadpan Inc. offices are closed today, so instead I offer you this cool little gem I unearthed. Enjoy.

Last Minute Gifts

I hope you have all of your gifts purchased and wrapped and can kick back and enjoy a nice, peaceful Christmas Eve with your loved ones. If not, I feel for ya, buddy.



Having raised a teenage girl and being familiar with their propensity to experience severe, crippling embarrasment at the slightest provocation, I would also like to see the look on the niece's face when she opens that gift from her uncle (eeewwww!). The parents' reaction might also be quite entertaining.

Holiday Weapons

As long as there are people doing stupid things to get themselves in the news, the officemates will have something stupid to talk about.



As tonight is the third night of the Festival of Lights, it's a good a time to wish my Jewish friends Happy Hanukkah. I hope you weren't offended by this episode. Remember, it's not me saying this nonsense -- I'm just the transcriber.

Isn't it funny how some people can be completely ignorant of the celebrations of other cultures and then get bent out of shape when the seventeen-year-old Target employee says Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Also chuckle-worthy: the White House sending out Hanukkah reception invitations with a Christmas tree on it. Here's the actual image, in case you missed it.


And should there be any doubt about what's being delivered, the sign on the wagon says, "White House Christmas Tree 2008." Heck-of-a job, Laura.