Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Banned Dictionaries

I must thank Facebook fan Leigh Erskine (if that is his real name) for suggesting the topic of this episode. Leigh, feel free to reward yourself with a snazzy (and quite reasonably priced) Deadpan Inc. hoodie in the swag store. You deserve it!

I think the funniest part of this story is the "sexually graphic" entry that bothered these school officials was "oral stimulation of the genitals." Not nearly as descriptive as it could be, and not really all that helpful. I would think that if kids need to look up "oral sex," it's the "oral" part of the phrase that's tripping them up. They probably already know "sex" has something to do with the naughty bits.

Sure, I guess the kids could stumble on the definition while looking up "oracle" or "orange." With that in mind, teachers should probably avoid using "cunning" as a vocabulary word.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The All-American Basketball Alliance

An all-white basketball league. Seriously?

The guy who wants to start this league, Don "Moose" Lewis, uses the example Gilbert Arenas' suspension for pulling a gun in the locker room as an example of the problem with "street basketball." I'm going to go out on a limb and assume Moose is a staunch supporter of stricter gun control legislation.

Got to give props to Lily for her basketball knowledge. Here's a picture of Luc Longley, a member of the first legendary Bulls "three-peat" championship team, sitting next to an unidentified player. These are the kind of guys Moose doesn't want to see on the court. Good luck with that, Moose.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Full Body Scans

I'm with Brad on this one. I'm much more concerned about the government tapping my phone and tracking my web surfing than I am about some bored TSA employee taking a peek inside my Haynes boxer-briefs. (To my lady-friends, regarding that mental're welcome.)

This script could have gone on for several more minutes. I'll post the additional script at the fanpage on Facebook. There's a link to the right, if you'd like to go there. But if you do go there, you have to click "Become a Fan." It's the only way to protect your identity from the Nigerian scammers who administer my page. See you there.

Oh, and here's a picture of Kelly Ripa for those who don't know who Brad is talking about. She looks nice. (She's the one on the right.) Don't make eye contact with the cat--it'll steal your soul.

Wow, I never noticed those guns before. Do they test for 'roids at ABC? I'm not really a big fan--though she is a cutey--I just thought she'd be a quirky choice for Brad.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Sponge Painting

The New Year's Eve event is creating complications.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Father and Son Reunion

Am I the only one making this connection?

Monday, January 4, 2010

Dirty Tricks

Yet another celebrity divorce was reported last week. Sad. If this guy can't make a marriage work, what hope do the rest of us have?

Just to be clear, I couldn't care less if he is gay and is finally discarding his beard to pursue his forbidden love. Good for him. But I'm disgusted by the hypocrisy of gay Republicans who fight gay marriage and demonize gay people just win elections. (And there are more than just a few of them.) And--legal disclaimer here--I have no evidence or opinion about Mr. Rove's sexual proclivities. Any implications here are purely rhetorical musings and not expressions of fact.

If you're curious, here is the article that caught Lily's eye. It was by The Frisky, but actually posted on

If you missed last week's New Year's Surprise II episode, you might want to check it out. Era especial.

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year's Surprise II

Last New Year's Day episode was done in French because it just felt right for the situation. I'm not sure if that went over well, but I thought I'd try to come up with a suitable sequel anyway. This time, I went with the style of a telenovela mexicana. Enjoy.

As with last year's, I created this under the not-insignificant handicap of not speaking the language. I used an online translation program, so this could be a really bad translation--or a really awesome replication of telenovela dialog. Hopefully someone who speaks Spanish will let me know if I came close.

Happy New Year! Let's hope that 2010 treats us all a little better than 2009 did.